Another Long One?

Well.... I just finished my film exam a few seconds ago. Easy. And did my bio one about an hour and a half ago. Kind of easy... Oh well. Today has just sucked. A lot. And it keeps getting worse, not to mention I feel like a total jackass. Enough people have called me one that I'm starting to believe it. I don't know... I guess I am sometimes. A lot of the time. Maybe people are just getting tired of it, and starting to point it out. Grr... we tried playing slap in biology, but people were being dumb, as usual. And I set up two games. One for people like Alex and me and Seth who are fast and really really good. And then one for slower peoplewho will remain unnamed. And someone kept trying to jump into our game, and he never could because he's just too slow, he was almost slapping after Alex or I already had the cards added to our deck. And eventually I was like *, just go play with the slow group, you won't get a chance to play here. And someone who remains unnamed kept defending him. I don't blame them for defending him. I do it all the time too. But seriously. He stood NO chance against us. Absolutely none. And eventually I said something fast because I was in the middle, of the game and I was like *. You're too slow. Go play over there. Apparently that pissed the nameless person off. I didn't mean it in a mean way. I just meant... I don't know what I meant. But after the game, he was like "you were a total jackass to Him." and "your ego is huge when you play that game." Yes... I do have a little bit of an ego when I play that game. But I almost always win. I'm faster than anyone I was playing with. I won 95% of the slaps, and I won all three games. Is it still having an ego when I'm like yeah I'm good at this game. Apparently it is. I try so hard not to have an ego. I try to a point where I just bring my self down. And when it finally slips out. I get called out on it.

I'm just so annoyed with people. Maybe they're just annoyed with me. Maybe this is all my fault. This probably is all my fault. If i'd just been a good player, and won the games without exclaiming my joy for wining the GAME. Grrr....what's better in that situation. Keep dealing him in and let him be knocked out in like 4 rounds. And let him try to slap and never get it. Or ask him -even though I stopped asking- to play with other people. Where one, he wouldn't slow US down however awful that sounds, and two where he could actually get a chance to play. I have an hour and 20 minutes to think about this. Should I post the rest of the day? I have nothing else to do. Actually I could read. Gah! Nipes concert is tomorrow...but there are a bunch of things going on. I'll skip Nipe. I'll try and get somebody to record it. I don't even know what to do anymore. I should probably study for Latin. But I really don't feel inspired. Not like I will tonight. I might try and record something else tonight. Hmmm I think it was today? Someone else called me a jackass during our break thing.... because I shouldered someone by accident. I said sorry. Apparently it sounded sarcastic. It's not like it doesn't happen to me every day. But that shouldn't matter. Should it? Great. It's just me and nipe again. Except I have to sit here for an hour and 15 minutes. Not 30. gaaah. I want my guitar. Or a guitar. Or a piano. Or SOMETHING to make music on. My ears hurt from listening to music from after finishing my bio exam till I walked into here.

This is really annoying me.... I feel like a jerk. Everyone's telling me I am.... that's kind of like when everyone told me I'm emo... I started to act like that. I got tired of trying to defend my self. "Hey Zach! You're emo!" Yep...thanks. Hah...draft saved at 11:11 am. I feel like I do somehting to attract all of this. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Or maybe I just take it wrong. All the people who sit to the left of me in history... are just jerks to me. And ask stupid questions, and.....and they;re just mean! What the heck. I guess it's just because I don't like playing rough. A wouldn't leave me alone till I finally got so pissed off, I fought back, and I shoved him away from me. Apparently that earned me respect in his eyes. Great. I hate doing that. And I seriously thought he was going to kill me. But I was sick and tired of it, so I did something. Thanks Aud for not letting him kill me. Gah... I feel like I should be jolly. Schools almost out. My day's as good as over. Latin is the hardest part of my life for the next 3 months. Happy happy happy. Mah. Driving will make me feel better. It did last night. Maybe because we drove all these back roads. I like driving back roads. But I still don't like driving. He's only flipped out on me once. And even then he didn't flip out. It was just because we had gotten off of a road with a 55mph speed limit into a 35, and I was still going 55 without realizing it. Whoops.

It's kind of funny how locked down our internet is here. I can't even use amazon or ebay anymore. The only reason I can blog is some of the AP classes use blogger to find their homework, so they have to allow it. Heh heh. I guess I could do that "unlockyoutube" trick. But I don't have anything I want to watch. I think I'm going to go read soon. Or maybe not. We'll see. I feel like... this blog is just me talking to my self. Some people tell stories, some people abstractly tell their experieces, some people talk about their day, some people write dreamy posts about better things. I talk to my self. I talk to my self anyway. But I talk to my self here. I lay everything I want to say out in front of me. And I feel like I can say more, because they people I've allowed to read this blog I trust. All 15 of you or whatever. I don't mind you knowing some of the inner workings of my head. I don't mind you knowing how I'm feeling. I guess this blog is more for me than anyone else now though. I used to write it for people to see. But now... well it's blocked obviously. So it's almost like.... I don;t know what it's like, and I don't know where I'm going with that, and I don't know why I feel the need to explain it, and I don't even know why I'm writing this! Maybe because it's making me feel better? Maybe because I'm so bored and I can't do anything else. Maybe because there's an hour left of school. I wonder if my constant tap tap tapping is driving Mr. Nipe crazy. It's always tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
taptaptaptpapap tap tap...taptaptap.......tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. That would drive me crazy if I weren't the one doing it. Oh how I love laptop keyboards. So quiet. And so easy to type on! You know what amuses me? I get more comments now that my blog is blocked, than I ever did when it was open. Mmm someone explain that one to me. I saw album somewhere...ones of Nipes maybe...something about a mad man...lemmie go look it up. "bloom or die" and "songs for a gone world" Never mind. Although I do like the title of his recent album... songs for a burned out generation or something.. ah "songs for a played out generation" I hate this computer!!! I can't do italics, or underline, or spell check, or bold. That's how I -control I- talk -control I- to my self. I emphasize things. Hah... I've gotten to the point where I type more than I talk... I think.. so when I'm thinking about what I'm going to say I frequently throw a "control italics" in there somewhere.

I wish I could write lyrics. That would be so useful. I wish I could sing too. Playing piano wouldn't be half bad either. I kind of play piano...but only what I can sound out...which is some Jack's Mannequin stuff..... I think I got.... Holiday From Real.... Kill the Messenger.....and I know the chords to Rescued...although they don't translate well to piano. Becuase they're guitar chords... so I'm only playing the guitar part of the chord...because I don't know what else to add. Grr.... I think I mentioned this... I got a violin bow for my guitar. It makes me happy when I can make it work. But I gave up sustain, and the ability to use a bow for ease of playing. My action is so low. I can only bend a step and a half. The note dies when I try to go two. Oh well. I can play all of Dazed and Confused...-with an improv solo- now because I can kind of get the same effect as Jimmy. Oooh! Maybe he turns the tone down, and that's why it sounds too bright! AH!!! Maybe... Or maybe he's just god and I'm a meddling mortal. I suck at spelling you know. meddling. I feel like that's not even a word. I think I make up a bunch of words.... that probably comes from Latin. Oh well. Deal with it. How much have I typed so far? I lot I think. I'll really applaud you if you read all of this. Because it's just me ranting. Do people find this interesting? I assume you do if you read it..... well. it's not very interesting to ME. Mmmm.... I want to write lyrics dammit!! I seem to have some mental block on that. Probably a good thing. Or maybe the lyrics I've written are good...I'm just picky like I am about everything. Hey nat... remember this? "Now prepare to die you pus filled rabie. I'll kill you and your demented baby." hahahaha Tom. I wish we had actually made that into a song. Something about battery acid...and cows.... and blades....and blood. All in jest of course. We had to write something about revenge, and we all wrote two lines. Toms is the only one that stuck with me. For obvious reasons. I hope he's my counsiler this year. Or Katie, since Gregs's gone. : ( I miss Commander Phelps. "SOLDIERS!" Hahahah good times.

I wonder where our field trip is going to be this year? That river again? That was fun... except the water was like 2 degrees. Hahaha.... that's when I found out dorky old wendel was ripped like a beast. I mean DAMN he was bigger than Alex. Kind of funny to think of wendel being that strong. He was such a cool kid. Oh joy...only 40 more minutes. I write so slow. Maybe it's just all the long pauses I take... I write like 4-5 lines at a time...then stop and think. Mmm... still takes me a long time. I'm sooo bored!!! Something needs to happen. I need to go DO something. I really wish I could drive. Mmmph. October. Hey people...come to the film festivle tonight. it's at 5:30 in Nipes room...unless a bunch of people come. I can't come cause I have a track banquet. FUCK!! I have a track banquet. No studying for Zach... or very little. Ah! I... I don't know. I spelled that wrong didn't I. I'll do charts and vocab....and tenses....and leave it at that. I've kind of got vocab...kind of. And I know fragments of the charts. That won't do though. God...ony 35 more minutes. Eww I have to ride the bus today. I hate my bus. Except for like Kate.... and Justin. Gr... my notebooks front and back cover have ripped off...and I'm so OCD about that, I can't write in it anymore. And I've only got like 20 pages left too. I guess I'll just leave it unfinished. Or maybe I'll suck it up and write. Why is I'll grey back there? That's annoying me.... Grr.... I'm hungry. Actually... I don't eat lunch for an hour anyway, so I don't know why I am. Hey guys...only 57 minutes of bio left...oh WAIT! It's OVER!!! hahahahaha freedom. God... half an hour left. This is....relaxing. I'm going to go clean out my locker right before the bell rings... the only thing in there now is an old project...and a peice of paper. Hmmm that rule FAILS. "I before E except after C." Well E is before I and before C. Grr.... I don't think one rule works for anything. Well... I haven't given that very much thought...and if I state that as my belief...someone will be a human and challange it. And I'm tired of being challenged. So no. I don't think that. Grrr.... I'm so tired of having to watch EVERYTHING I say for fear of pissing someone off, or offending someones MOM or something. I don't even know HOW he pulled that on me. I offended his mom by calling him an idiot? jokingly?? I didn't even mean it. Grr... I was like....hah...you idiot. Helll Seriso said that to me like 3 days ago. Gah!!! I'm sorry!

All right I'm done.

Goodbye