As Promised

As I promised, I'm currently looking for all of my best posts through out the year. This ough to be fun. Oh, side note, they aren't going to be in order.

Ugh
Merry Christmas?
I promise you, they're going to get better. I'm looking through the ok ones.
This is depressing
Oh, more depressing
They get worse and worse
Snow! and it still hasn't happened again, although I had a dream it did.
Mmm
Does this count?
The last section
Meh
Ah, that one
And another
Someone actually called this my best post. Cept not
Karl Rove
These aren't so good, only a few of them are....
I love october
Loads of false info
Albemarle
God forsaken place
More running
William & Mary
This count?


I think that's kind of it. Most of those aren't that good. Just above my average.

I'm Glad to be of Service.

Finally my guitar playing amounts to something, in all seriousness. I feel like I finally have some reward for all of those hours spent playing, honing my craft. I'm really happy I learned to play mums old classical guitar, it just sounds more soothing and comforting. Soft nylon strings compared to my ole steel string Mark II. You know? I seem to write my best songs on the spot improvising or just messing around. I've written a couple playing late at night, but as it was late at night, I forgot. I'll be sure to write this one down. If you're ever been out west, to Mesa Verde or a similar place, and you listen to the music played there, thats what it soudns like. An odd flute, maybe mixed with some chimes. Music amazes me, yet further, even more than last night. What is it with sounds, sounds that blend and transition, smooth sounds, warm sounds, that feel so comforting. If you've ever watched a good horror movie you know music plays a roll, you know something is going to happen when the haunting music comes on, maybe just a bass in the back ground, but music nonetheless. Or, hmm, I guess with a tragic movie, usually songs in a minor key, usually slow. Or what about those epic ones, with a huge orchestra blaring out fast, punchy, loud music. Take Pirates of the Carribbean(sp) listen to the song He's a Pirate, it's the main theme. I don't understand, and thats what annoys me most. I just don't understand, I can't even ask a question. What is it, with this music. How can sad songs make you sad, what makes a sad song sad, how is music even made, what is music, what about a string vibrating the air is music, what about blowing air through a tube is music. What is that sound, where does it come from, why are we so attuned to it, why some more than others, why why why bloody why.




I think I'll be contemplating this for a while, I now see why some musicians go mad. Whatever, I enjoy music, and my strive to understand it. Maybe it's not meant to be understood. We'll see now won't we.
Night

Well....

I kind of want to do something.

Ugh

Why did I have to be so blind. Am I just that dense? No, I'm not, I'm just that stupid. Oh, I saw it, don't get me wrong, I just didn't believe. Fool. Aha, I do believe I've found a new years resolution. Two words. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. You fool. Those people back an age ago, those ones that spoke latin, yeah they had it right. Seize the bloody Day. I don't even know what to do. I think I'm getting sick. I can't decide if I'm hot or cold. Right now, at this very moment, I have my window open, and I have no shirt on, and I'm sweating. About ten minutes ago I was under a blanket with a heater on beside me and I was shaking for dear life. And now, now I just don't know what to do. Sleep would be good, oh don't I know sleep would help. I don't want to sleep, and I doubt I could. Now the question becomes would I rather lay in bed, eagerly awaiting sleep, or read. Or maybe, sit here online, I'm not the only one who can't sleep. There are surprisingly fourteen people on, not idle or away, fourteen talking or waiting for someone to talk to, as is my case. No, I don't really feel like talking to anyone, nor do I feel like talking to my self as I know I would. No, I'm not crazy, although I figure you already know that, or maybe you do think I am. Does it matter? I know I'm not. Talking to my self, voicing things rather sets them in place, gives me a chance to look at them from every angle. Too bad things have already been said, as I know I'll regret them later on. Ah, whats the point of regretting them, as I can do very little to change things. What comes, will come, and what comes, will be dealt with, in good time. Things may not work out the way I choose, but it's not my choice, now is it. Music seems to be a good companion. Iommi & Osbourne, White, Clapton, Page & Plant. Their music seems to tell their own personal stories. Black Sabbath for example, a band out of an industrial town, from large poor familys. Heavy metal, songs about the dark, religion, faith, hope, or lack of, and even love on occasion. I feel like I'm sharing their stories. All right, I feel like I've spilled enough for the night, you don't even want to hear this anyway.

Night Loves.

Mmm

Can't say much. Not a very good day. Had highlighs.

Generally

Quite a boring day. I woke up and my parents weren't home. Hm, I thought, as I jumped in the shower. By the time I got out they were back and had brought me chocolate chip cookies from Shenks. Glad they did, that was all I had until just recently. I've been in my room most of the day, talking and playing guitar A LOT. Mainly working on a few songs, You and Me Lifehouse, Let Me Go 3 Doors Down, and Meant to Live Switchfoot. That's quite a change from my usual classic rock and metal. I seem to be getting into new music a lot more. Yeah, yeah I know, I said I never would. Hmm, times change. At least it's not rap and pop, it's something close to rock. More like alternative, but whatever close enough. I'll bet my parents are getting tired of the same songs, because I've only played for or five today. Found out every techinal aspect on the guitar, and figured out all the vocals. Damn I need a band.

Come on and Take a Free Ride

Okay. Amazing. I was prepared to have another boring night, alone, online, being a geek. But nope, Tory was like, well if you want Chu and I can pick you up. Uh, all right, that's fine. Hah, that's fine he says, more than fine. I felt like a little kid again, I was having such a good time. We went to Purcell park and ran around, and, well, I ran around, and they laughed at me. I tried to jump a trash can but it had a stake sticking out of it, so right before I jumped I was like CRAP, and flew to the side. Smart. Who cares, it was fun. We ran around the castle thing, which wasn't built for running in the dark. People are going to think Chu beat me or something because of all the bruises I'm going to have. Not a single step is even, and there are random rises, drops, and bars. Around the time I still hadn't put my sweatshirt on Chu decided it was too cold. For a while, we just sat in his car with the heat blasting and seat warmers on listening to music. "So what'cha wanna do?" "I have no idea." We talked for about half an hour about what to do. Finally we came to the decision to go to TDG. Chu and I got scones and hot chocolote. Mmmm. Warm. After maybe another 20 minutes of driving we ended up back at Purcell, and did, basically the same thing. Cept we went on the tennis courts to watch the stars and got into an argument about something random or something. Hah, even that was fun. Hell, the whole night was fun. Not a single downside. Around tenish I had to be home and Chu and Tory got invited in by my parents. We talked for probably 15 minutes about college and school and life and stuff. Hah, I made a bet with Tory she would never see my room, and my mom goes, hey Zach go show them your room. Sure, I thought, and the second Tory walked in, she just smiled. Damnit. Haha. Just Damnit. I played guitar for another 15 or so. Chu and Tory left around 10:40, and I came here to blog. This is probably the third to worst post I've ever written and I don't give a damn, I'm just to happy to put my thoughts in pixles.

Night.

Maine

You Shot Me!

Didn't do much today. Sat around on the computer, went to francos. Then... I went to hometown music and got an adapter. Hmmm... worked on my pistol..... and. Yeah. Now I'm watching Terminator and laughing. Bang Bang. You son of a bitch! You shot me!

Merry Christmas

And I do hope it is a merry one. I still have a headache, but who cares, it's Christmas -and that is more Christmas spirit than I have shown in a few years-. It feels like Christmas. No cars are whizzing by my house, no people walking yet, it's raining -I love the rain, especially cold rain-, bunches of sappy romance movies are on, and it's warm, my house that is. I'm sitting by a heater -because I'm too lazy to make a fire- and the warm air is drifting up my legs and sending chills down my spine. It's not a very white Christmas -it's 39.00 degrees outside, don't you love that precision- although it might well snow tonight. I would like that, I really would. I didn't really believe it was Christmas until Mum brought out the orange rolls and a mug of chai. Orange rolls. Orange rolls are amazing. Light, fluffy, zesty, sweet, warm, sticky. And the chai, the chai smelled of cinnamon and other unknown spices, warmth dripping down my throat with every swig. I think I’ll take today, like everyday this break, to relax, and do what brings pleasure to my life. I figure I’ll kick some Krug ass, and then I’ll blow the Necrons back to their tombs, and then I may by chance play my guitar, carol of the bells I think, and then perhaps, continue working on my flintlock pistol. Ah, I can feel it, the advil is already taking its effect on my body, numbing my headache and eye strains. A merry Christmas it looks to be.

Headache

Someone tell me something. Am I just bound to have headache all the time, or is something wrong. Is it from staring at a computer screen and then playing loud music all day? Or is it from being massive head injurys in gym IE getting knocked out. Is it that I've had 2 meals and almost nothing to drink? Or is it that I just haven't been eating well for the last couple of weeks. Meh, does it really matter? Two advil and a glass of water usually solves it, and if not, 4 advil. My eyes just seem to ache, and my head feels like.... like.... there's no word for the feeling. Like when you were little and were sick, and your head hurt so bad you wanted to cry, and you stuck your head under water or draped a warm cloth over your head as a relief. It's that kind of headache, except I'm not crying; I'm gritting my teeth, which is probably worse.

There's something wrong when I can go through every one of my records, my cds, my playlists, my cassetts, and my ipod, and have nothing to listen to. Springsteen, 3 doors down, Kansas, Boston, Cream, Black Sabbath, Supertramp. No, no, no, no......no. AH! no. So I've settled for reading which would be great except that my eyes ACHE. I just can't focus on the book-which is a shock- my thoughts keep drifting, and I have to read the page again. I can't focus on this either. so.
yeah.
bye.
eh.

I'm

Bored.

Crash

Well, yesterday was amazing except for the long bus ride up. We were going to watch Pirates, but since it's a disney movie and the trip was paid for, watching it would be illegal. Bah, says I. I zoned out for a while and watched the scenery go by. After maybe an hour the small LCD screen flickered to life and an advertisement for some company came up. Oh, what now, I thought. "Step Up." Oh God, a dance movie. Shoot me. Psh, I thought I'll just turn my music up loud and not pay attention, that's all right. But for various reasons, I decided to watch the first scene just for the hell of it. All right, I'm impressed. It actually turned out to be a really good movie, which means a lot comming from me. I personally didn't like the music, but what can I expect? After the movie had finally finished we were close enough to Lancaster that there was a buzz about the bus. Jordan and I talked non stop for the remaining half hour. Politics, religion, people, places, things, everything, we just talked, and seemed to agree on about everything too.

By 3:30 we were taking a tour of the theatre and talking to one of the actors, who is trying to come see out show. That'll be interesting. Professional vs. high school, we'll see. The theatre is actually a really nice place. They have almost no wing space, but they have plenty of other room, and it just seems actor friendly. I think we managed to get out of there around 4:30 and we had to make it to dinner at 5ish. Dinner, dinner dinner, what to say about dinner. I never want to look at food again. It was really good, and I had four plates topped with food. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, shrimp, baked apples, cheesecake, jello, apple pie, good eats. I think we were supposed to be out by 6:30, and that wa sjust too much time. Jordan and I went to the gift shop and looked around for random amish stuff, and then we were sitting on these really slick chairs, and Drew was sliding up and down them and such. The bus trip to the theatre seemed much shorter than it was to dinner. I felt like I was walking off by the time I finally got back to my seat.

Ahaha, suckers, no lines. We got in rather quickly because we were special and yeah. Elana, Robbie, Emily, Eric and I stood around talking and such before the house opened. The theatre felt really cramped and uncomfortable where we were, but then again I was hot, and I was trapped between two people, bad combonation. I was surprised in the opening scene, and not very impressed. The childrens chorus was a little shrill, and they weren't always entirely on the right notes, but maybe that's just my imagination. But then again, Oliver always sounded winded, and at one point his voice cracked on a high note and he dropped it. It only got better though, the adults were very talented although some of them I didn't like their singing styles. The whole play was pretty good overall, and a lot of the characters did an amazing job. Dodger, Mr and Mrs Bumble, Sikes, Fagan and Nancy were particularly good. I was dying to get out in the cold by the end of the play. Rain glorious rain. It was freezing outside and I loved it.

The bus ride back didn't look very promising at first. We stopped on the side of the highway for about half an hour for various car fluid problems. No one really cared, of course we opted to just spend the night on the bus, which I think would have been a horrible idea. We were watching Cars most of the time and I tried to sleep but nothing was comfortable. No matter how you twist or turn something's cramped, there's just no way around it. I finally decided I'd just stay up. After Cars had ended many people were asleep, or out cold, so I figured I'd go up front and see who was still alive. Ah, Elana, she's still awake. Geeze, we talked for 2 1/2 hours I would guess. It was nice to just talk, with no care in the world. At first I was across from her, but Jenny's little sister was drifting off so I let her sleep in the chair I was in and went to sit next to Elana. It was surprisingly comfortable because we had just the opposite ways we were comfortable. I perfer to be in the smallest place possible while she likes to spread out. I was easily more comfortable there than back in the back where Jordan and I both huddled against the walls. I think the only reason I was still awake was our conversation. Music, soccer, running, life, childhood, people. Just everything that came to mind.

Finally around 3:00 we pulled into HHS and I was draining fast. Good thing Mum got to school really fast. I waved to Swartz and next thing I knew I was in my bed, and next it was 8:00. Yeah, that was worth it. I love drama.

: D


Night Dearies.

Fulton?

'S almost time to go to see Oliver in PA. I think that'll be a bunch of fun, except for the fact we get back at like 2am. I'm guessing it'll be like a fourish hour drive, in what looks to be a pretty nasty storm. I figure I'm just going to sleep on the way back. Then again, I said that about the Brentsville meet last year, and when 1:30 rolled around everyone was laying down, well I was too, but everyone was sleeping except Goldie Spark and me. Well, I need to go take a shower, and get ready, so I'll probably post about it's greatness at 3am tomorrow, or maybe I just won't sleep since I'm going out to the rifle range. Roight.

Goodbye Dearists.

Oi

Well, today was the longest short day I've ever had. We did the same thing we've been doing in art. Clay. That was fun. Then we talked a lot in english and went over our inquirys and such. No lunch today :\ In drivers ed we went into the gym and played volley ball and almost took Tysingers manhood. Went to an assembly and listened to the jazz band, and the choirs. Very good, but not as good as last year. Party in geometry, Kniss and I got sugar highs. Home, Wood grill lunch place, home, yeah. Certianly not in a writing mood. More of a sleeping.......

I'm On A Highway To Hell

With a geometry SOL. Okay, I missed at least two. Not bad, I need to miss 9 to not get advanced, and I need to miss like 30 not to pass, not a problem. School as usual. I finished my test rather early so I read for about an hour. Oh, wait, not school as usual. I got there at like 6:50 because I got up really early and went to mr. J's. But anyway, I was walking around and Jojo handed me a bag, for christmas I assumed. As I started to open it, I took a guess and who it was from. First of all it was in an Asics shoe box. Hmm... must be a runner of sorts. Second when I opened it, it was covered in yellow wrap of some sort. The sticky stuff. Anyway, it was wrapped so well, I don't think the contents would have broken had you dropped it from the statue of libertys big nose. Anyway, I got past that box just to get to another one. Geeze I thought, what is it. Once I managed to get the box itself open, more paper and wrap came along. FINALLY, I got to the thing it self, and the first thing I saw was an empty roll of duct tape. AH! It's a mug I thought. Sure enough. Tom, gave me one of his mugs. Ahaha, I love it. Thanks Tom. Anyway, that was the highlight of my day. We did nothing in english or drivers ed, and in art we made stupid clay jokes, and worked on our mugs *coughsoupbowlscough* Yeah, I forgot my bag at rehersal so I had to go back after my dentist appointment. Turns out Houff had left. Great. I figured Swartz was around since durning music he lives at school. I went into the auditiorium and sure enough, there he was. He gave Elana his keys and she let me into Houff's to get my stuff. T'yeah
Long day, and now I have an inquiry to do. Joy.

I Just Know In This Area

Guess what? SOL tomorrow, and then I'm, not done. She's going to continue teaching all this crap I need for alg II next year. When will this semester from the gates of hell acually end, so that I can start my semester that resides in hell. I'm looking foreward to my next semester, note it well, for when next semester rolls around and I'm complaining that I hate everything, you can tell me what I said and I can tell you to shut the hell up. I'm going to say sorry right now for that. I don't want to take that SOL, she says they get easier every year. Bull. 2003, 43/45 2004 40/45 2005 bad. Meh, I figure I'll pass, but passing isn't good enough. I want advanced, or even perfect, but I figure that's too much to ask for. Or maybe not. : \
Okay, I've stared at this window for half an hour, and I have nothing more to say.

Is It Monday?

It is. I still hate Mondays. I'm not sure if that will ever change. Tis a thought though. Today. Sucked. A lot. I woke up at 4:20 with th realization I hadn't done my english paper due today. There was my mini heart attack for the morning, then I fell asleep again. When I finally got up again, I tried to do my paper, but couldn't get much out of it seeing as I was stressed. I also noticed I had geo. Fuck it, I thought and I just went to school ready to not turn in a paper. Earlier I had decided I would do my geo during lunch. Right as I walked into my math room, I saw " 18th Reverse Schedule 4 2 3 1." FUCK! Geometry is normally my 4th block class, so I had to scramble to get all of my homework done. There was my excitement for the week, good bye. I seem to recall one moment in art, "Hey Zach" "Hey Die." End of conversation.
So I'm glad to have my paper done, my geo done and now, now I'm joy reading. Deal with it.

200

Post number 200. Not gonna be anything special. Regular long day. I read, and read and read, and played guitar, and got my dads old computer working on XP with mum. I've read almost 200 pages today, just because I don't have much else to do. Yeah. I'm really not in a writing mood.

Ouch.

That hurt.

So.

No one's on, and I'm not complaining. It's quiet. I have my music playing softly in the background, light stuff, classic rock, blues, a little jazz. I've got two new books that I got earlier today. One I've been waiting for since July, and I decided to get it, because I was tired of waiting. The other is the next book in the Wheel of Time. I'm in 8 now... addicting. Camila told me to stop when I was on 4. Couldn't do it. Today was a pretty slow day, I was at home most of the day, but mum and I went out to wal mart and Barnes and Noble, and she let me drive in some parking lot. You know? I haven't touched my guitar since I woke up. That's odd for me, normally I'd have been playing like 8 hours already. Albeit, I've played my two acoustics a LITTLE bit. Hmm. My playlists seem to like Bruce Springsteen tonight. Prove it All Night, Thunder Road, Jungleland, Born to Run, Blinded by the Light. All within ten or so songs. Can't complain about that. I like Springsteen, and I'm in no mood for heavy music. Now's when I wish I had a radio in this room. I have a lot of classic rock, but not the classic rock. Meh, I guess that's what radios are for.

I can't believe it's 11, and I haven't even realized it got dark. I looked out my window, and dang! It's dark! What time is it? 11??? What!? Yeah, my day seems to have abruptly ended. I'm seriously considering staying up till like three. Well, if there's one person on who I don't mind talking to. I feel like talking more about music, and it's interesting qualities. Do you ever associate certain songs with certain people? Most people or places seem to have music to them. Douthet Park rings with Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd because that’s all I listened to. Hm. I can’t think of a good example for a person and a song. I think music is intertwined with memory. Whenever I hear Blinded by the Light, -the Manfred Man version- I think of Seussical, and the hot lights, and laying down on the stage, and when I hear I am the Walrus, I think of Klines ice cream. Classic rock in general reminds me of cold, and snow, and fires, and chess. Because when I first got into classic rock, I was out playing in the snow all day, and then I would come in and sit by the fire playing chess. I can remember every smell, every detail, all of the clothes I was wearing, all of the tastes from the places I associate with music. Take Camila’s, I can’t remember the song, but I remember her house like I had just walked out.

Hey, it’s 11:11. Hah, I hate my clock.

And So Suddenly

I become lonely. There isn't anyone on that I feel like I can talk to. The last guitar chords are still ringing in my ear, reminding me of happiness, but... I can't help feeling empty again. Maybe this is why I love music so much, it's my escape. I was the music, I was just there, I didn't have to worry about any of the day's mishaps, I got to forget how much school is dragging me down, I got to forget everything that went wrong when I was playing. But as soon as I came back, I was assaulted yet again. It's late, so I can't get my guitar out, nor can I play loud music. How am I to escape this time? Mayhaps I should just deal with it. Ack, and yet again I am assaulted, and again, twice in a minute. I don't want to talk to any of you people right now. Well, that's not true, I don't want to deal with the emotions you are stirring up. I don't like being in the middle of things, and I'm getting tired of fighting for two opposing sides. It's draining, just draining, I'm in enough.... I don't know, I just don't want to deal with anything right now. I'm tired of fighting against everything, why won't someone agree with me for once. I don't even know who I'm talking to. You? You? or You? I really want to talk to someone, who will listen, and not twist what I say, not fight me, not give me any resistance. I just want to talk to someone who will talk. I can't sleep, I'm tired, and I've tried laying down. My eyes hurt. I feel like someone dumped Windex into them, and then beat them with a bell mallet until they were bruised and bloody. Seriously think about that, that's how my eyes feel.

Am I that out of sync with the world, that the few times I'm in a good mood, no one else is? Someone prove me wrong, because it really feels like that. Or am I just... weak willed. That I surrender my good mood when I see that everyone around me is in a bad mood. Don’t even try to play it off, it’s not worth it. It’s more obvious when you try to play it off than when you don’t. When I admit I’m unhappy to my self, not many people notice. But when I try to ignore it, try to say I am happy, everyone notices. But I don’t want to accept it; it feels worse when I do. Why can’t there be one day, where I don’t give in, where nothing bad happens, where everything works out. Because that’s not the way it works right? Figures. You know, I don’t think talking would help. I don’t want to talk about it. I want to play music. But I would rather let the parents sleep well, because they work a lot harder than I do. I don’t NEED to play music, but they need a good nights sleep. What do I need. Water, food, shelter, sleep, mmmm…. Yeah. I mean, what do I really need. I need food and drink to survive, I need shelter to survive longer, and I need sleep, to recuperate. I figure I could make music on rocks with sticks, I don’t need music. I don’t need to talk to anyone, I don’t need any friends. I need food and drink. Everyone’s complaining about I need this I need that, I do it too. I know I do, but still, really look at it. Would you die without the thing? Okay, decide then.

You know what?

Neither do I.

Music Soothes The Soul.

It really does. I just spent the last, 4ish hours jamming with my guitar godfather. He's so good, he can make any of the things I play average sound amazing. I played his 1980's Les Paul through the most vintage tube amp you can get. He soloed over any song I could play, and then he played blues progessions and I soloed over them. We got to a point where we were just playing music, and there wasn't anything else, just music. Anyway, that brought my day to the very peak of it's greatness, seeing as it started off horrible. Great times. Still not in a writing mood. I'm in a writing mood.

All Right,

I'm proud. I just figured out something by Bach, Fur Elise, and Carol of the Bells on my guitar.

I Have Died

And gone to heaven! One sentance. Vintage Marshall Half Stack All Tube Amplification.

Mornings That Start With Geometry.

SUCK. First of all, I'm still in early bird, whcih is by no means worth the extra credit or the bagel. But when early bird ended, I got to go straight to geometry because the scedule was flipped. That was the longest class, I think I've ever sat through, and I kept nodding off. I guess I was just tired all day, I kind of fell asleep during Antigone, the movie, which is strikingly like starwars. Well, I didn't sleep, I wasn't conscious though. Lunch was eh again. Drivers ed, sucked. And art, art was good, art was happy, I got things done, and I laughed a lot. I had rehersal after school, and we sang all of the songs and such, and got some details down. Yeah, not in a writing mood. Maybe later?

Boy Gee.

I guess school feels really long, when you are at a party all night, and you have a bunch of soda, and you end up not falling asleep till the wee hours of the morning, even though you went to bed at like 10. I woke up around 5:45, and I watched the clock tick slowly towards my alarm. 46, 47, 48, 49. Oh damn, here it comes, and then it hit me, the most obnoxious, ear bleeding sound ever created. Shut up.... ack.....die......I hate you.....fuck you..... shut up. ~Smash~ Damn, I hit my ipod, ~shash~, ah there it goes. Sleepy sleepy slee.... ~BEEP~ OH DIE! ~Smash smash smash~ Fine, I'll go take my damn shower, jesus. What a great way to start off the morning. But, it did manage to get better, dad and I went off to J's and I got meh breakfast and lunch for the day. Ack, early bird isn't even worth the extra credit. It's too easy, it's a seven o' clock in the friggen morning, it's math, and it doesn't make me even remotely happy. Well, I had to rush to art, since the bell was ringing. I'm... I'm not sure what we did in art. More clay I figure. Let's see, in english, we had a discussion aabout something, and I managed to win Barrs approval I think, hah. Aaaaand then we read tragedies. Lunch, was. Packed, and not so hot. Meh, drivers ed, I couldn't keep my attention for like, two seconds. I was, pained by writing those notes. And then geometry, blessed, sacred geometry. I hate it. We did alll this crap about graphs, and then! She said she wasn't going to give us homework, as we raised a cheer, oh, no, do 10 9 8 7 in your packets. AH! I was ALMOST homework free. But no.
Anyway, when I got home, I went out for a bike ride, because it was a nice day. It was quite cool, and the sun was low, but I enjoyed my self. I saw Dr. Grimes on my way back, and it'd been so long since I had seen him, when he waved at first I was like, who the hell are you. OH! So yeah, I'll slack on my homework, until like 9 because it's just crap work. You know, I still love pandora. I usually listen to metal, or classic rock, but when I'm in the mood for indie, or maybe something with a touch of "nu" metal, I just go to pandora and let it play. And some of it's heavy enough that the radio wouldn't play it on a pop station, so I get to some of the underground, heavier music thats comming out. Ah. Well, I'm... off.... to pandora.

I Swear I could fly.

Guess what? I still have a friggen head ache. I think I've had it for a week now. ACK, it just kind of builds up, and then goes away, and then builds up again. Well, today. I'm not sure how today was, it had it's ups and downs, I went all the way down, and close to all the way up. In art we watched some movie about a woman who was amazing with pottery, and worked with clay more. We finished Antigone, and I had my realization speach, and I said these rhymes that flew off of the tounge. I didn't realize what I was saying till I said it and I was on the next line. I had fun in lunch, as usual. I knocked Michael over, by accident of course. Hah, not really. Ummm, drivers ed, I wrote a tragedy for english, and then I did my notes. The wordings crap, but for doing it in 45 minutes it's pretty good I think. But that's just me, and Tim too. Geometry.... what to say, geometry. EVIL. We worked with semi circles, and cicles, and such. And combonations too, ice cream cones.
Now for the much expected up. Musical rehersal. Well my rehersal was at 3:45, so Annie, Jake, Nick and I sat outside playing cards. For those of you how play cards with me, you know I'm ungodly faqst, and ungodly lucky. I won, everything. We played poker, and I got a full hosue, which Annie predicted, queens over 10's, and then I got a straight, and two pair, aces and jacks. So we though, BS time. It went around, I lied 99% of the time, and I was never caught, I played my last queen as an ace or something, and then I got BSed, so I took it back, (some one had called it right before) and we went around again, and I played it as like a 4 and Nick instantly played, then he was like CRAP. And I won BS. Then, we played slap, and I tell you, playing that everyday for 3 years straight, gives you UNgodly reflexes. I only missed one slap, and that's because Jake cheated. And I still almost got it. I usually hit the cards before people realized they were supposed to. Karl played a card, and I pretty much slapped it out of his hand. Nick just blinked. Hah. I love slap. So I won that in less than 5 minutes.
Anyway, rehersal was interesting, we marched around, and sang. I enjoyed it just because I love the music, and the people. Put me in a good mood, better mood.
And now, we have some of dads students coming over for a party. I'm going to go play guitar while I still can.

But I Didn't Make The Bomb.

Woooo, long day. We all started clay in art today, which is by no means as easy as it looks. It's flimsy, and all of this stuff. Oh well, I'll figure it out. We're still reading Antigone in english, and my energy is going downhill. I'm sorry, but two page monologue, after two page monologue in old english gets a little tiring. We had a test in drivers ed that I'd forgotten about. I did pretty ok I figure. I missed the fricken colors of the lane positions. Maroon, white, green, blue, red, yellow. Who knows what order they go in. Geometry was long. I swear time slows down during that class. English goes by fast, even drivers ed does. But not geometry. Bah. Right after school was over I was whisked away to go get a tree. We were there from like 3:45 till the sun set. Running through the rows of trees, arguing that that they weren't symetrical, or they were too small. Eh, it was a good time anyway, with the dog being loose and all.
Then it was time for the cleaning, and tree setting up, and decorating. My dad has a party for his students tomorrow. I don't know these ones yet. Last year, I knew all of his students, to one degree or another. A few of them even played guitar with me. But this year, I kinda sorta know a few. I guess in 2 years, I'll know them better. I'm not in a writing mood.
Oh, by the way, I changed my mind, no lyrics for you.

Lyrics

I've started writing lyrics. Post em or no? Maybe I'll get tired of getting critisized and decide to make them better.

All I Want Is To Have My Peace Of Mind

So, that was good, it was very laid back as usual. We played drums on his keyboard, he played a bass drum and I played Iron Man. We made explosion sounds, we took videos, I found out how to make any key sound right for a song, so it looked like I was amazing. Yeah, good times. I'm not sure what else I have to say, although when I say that I usually end up going on about something. But for once, nope, I can't say I do. I still have a headache. When did I first get this thing? Tuesday? Ack, it's become almost normal. Except I can't listen to music for very long. I'm still not liking Beta much. It's kind of, got a lot of things I wouldn't use, while the original was simple. Well, I'm out.

Ok

Ok, I was mad last night. Or more a wreck of emotions, but today's only slightly looking better. I'm feeling rather numb to everything, and I don't feel alive. Well, Wally's coming over in about half an hour, so I figure that will be better.

That's It.

I give.

::Sigh::

All of the sudden, I don't feel comfortable in my skin. I... I don't like this. I can't stand to look at my self, I don't like the feel of my skin, I don't like the sound of my voice, I don't like the look of my hands crooked over the keyboard. I feel even worse inside. It seems like worms are burrowing into my stomach, and my head aches, and my eyes are burning, and my whole body is shaking. I feel unclean to say the least, I feel... horrible. How bout that. Why? Don't ask me. I half want to scratch my skin off, I can't stand this feeling. I want to roll into the smallest ball, and shut my eyes, and cover my ears, and just hide, from everything. I don't feel like defending my self anymore, I don't feel like I have any protection, I don't feel like I have any friends. I don't want to be touched, I don't want to touch anything. I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to be a burden. But I don't want to deal with this. Well, a fat lot of good that does me. It's my fault, I'll learn.

Writers Block, To a Degree

I've have a horrible writers block right now, except it's not literary. I can't write music. I figured out very early that you can't force writing music, it has to come. But I sure tried to force it today, and guess what? Didn't work. All I could do was play my old ones and what ever I tried to make new was so similar to something I'd written already, or something someone else had. I know the sound I'm looking for, I know what I want to write, but it's not comming to my fingers. It's been so long since I've written a song. Yeah, I've rearranged old ones, or added to them, but at the moment, I only have 5 or so that I like, and that I can remember. Two of them are heavily distorted, one is lightly distorted, one is acoustic, and another is toned down electric. I've got a few more, but I can't really call them songs, or will ever do anything more with them. I think it's mostly because I'm uninspired. None of the stuff I've written in the first place was ever really that good, but it looks even worse now. Eh, what am I to do? I write music when I'm in a bad mood, I write music when I'm up set, I write music when I'm angry. I write music. That's what I do. Maybe, internally, I'm unsatisfied with my songs because they don't have lyrics. Maybe I need to write some lyrics, then I'll finally be satisfied and I'll be able to move on. I'll figure something out for the night, maybe I can get away with just playing music.

I'm still really cold. I came down this morning, and it was in the low 60's inside. Not bad, but I hadn't slept well, and I was still cold from last night. I figured I'd start a fire, and that warmed the house up a bit, but now that that has died down, I've started shivering again. I have a thick blanket, and long pants and a sweatshirt, but I'm fighting to keep warm. Hah, the fact that I have a root beer float can't be helping. But I'm feeling sullen, and I thought that might help. Alas. Is it really 8:19? This day seems to have, well been longer than usual. All day it felt slow and long and boring, and then now, it's like it all happened in an hour. What is so... anti social about me that, I am probably the only person sitting in front of his computer at 8 at night, all by him self, talking to the computer screen. Most of the people I know are off having fun with each other. Ack, it's most likely my fault, so I'll take what comes. Doesn't mean I have to like it of course, but I figure I shouldn't complain. I wish Chu would at least get on so we could talk. We seem to have some things to work out, I feel sort of bad for some of the things he said he felt. Because most of them are because of me, or... yeah. Ack.

I think, for the first time ever, I'm going to make a new years resolution. I don't know what it will be, I haven't thought that far ahead. I figure it will be something about snatching the chances flung in my face, or something about being less stubborn. Or, I could just not, like every year. It might be good to do one for a change though. I wonder what I'll be doing on new years eve. Will it be downtown at first night, or will I be sitting alone inside, or might I be out on my own somewhere. First night looks promising, but I'm not sure I want to be around that many people. Last year, I vividly remember seeing Buddy for the second time, and then I remember talking to Jojo, and then.... I remember the hot cider and chocolate. Thrash metal band Lost at Sea, and very warm trash can fires. The cold, and drunk people. The fire works show, same as always, the free warm food from TLG. Mmmm, sounds very promising. I'm not sure who'll be there, I might end up being slightly alone. I'm never really alone, I have my self, and I have my parents.

I'm feeling, incomplete right now. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the lack of music, maybe it's the fact I'm alone, or maybe it's just I hadn't spoken all day until 7:30 this afternoon. There are so many maybes. Maybe things would be different if I weren't... I'm looking for a word... if I weren't... howabout... cautious. Maybe if I weren't so cautious, things would be different. Maybe if I gave up reason every once in a while things would be different. Maybe if I tried to interact with people, things would be different. Maybe this, maybe that. I could maybe all night. What can I say for certian you ask? Nothing, I know nothing for sure right now. I don't even have an unstable something. If I had to say something for sure, I'd say I'm unstable, at best. I don't want help from anyone though, I don't want to "talk about it." If anyone wants to help, you could just sit with me, sit near me, be a presence. Talk on the phone beside me, chat on AIM near me, blog by me, read across from me, something, just be a presence. That's what would really help. Of course, you don't want to really help. I wouldn't want to help me, why would you want to. Wait wait wait, do I even need help. Is this something to help, or is it something to let run it's course. It can't last forever, nothing lasts. Well, how would I know if anything lasted. I haven't lived long enough for anything to last. What defines forever, a life time? A long time? Two life time? A century? Forever, as in the dawn of time to the last second of light. :sigh: I can't see my keyboard, and I don't want to turn a light on. Too much effort to type.
Night

Come On Baby Light My Fire

Well, I have been informed by the gods that I make the best fires to ever light the face of this planet. They have also warned me not to do it again. I was sitting next to the fire, reading, and it was really hot, and I felt my back getting hot, and then, it got really hot. Ouch! I thought, ~turns around~ oh crap! My shirt was.. smouldering. Ouch ouch ouch. I threw my shirt off, and went to get some ice for my back, and water for my shirt. Humph! Jerks. Anyway, today wasn't that bad. I got to listen to my music real loud, all day, and I've been slacking off. Well, except for the fact I did the dishes I've been slacking off anyway. It was good, I didn't mind having the house to my self. Ok, I'll post later tonight, when my back isn't burning, and I'm not standing up.

Afternoon.

My Best Posts

I think on the 30th, I'm going to make a post with links to all of my best posts. Like the idea? I'm not going to the trouble if no one cares

That's Weird.

I feel kind of weird, having the house to my self and all. It's rather quiet, or, actually, it's quite loud, because I'm listening to music, but, it's.... quiet, as in I'm alone. I feel sort of bad now, more because someone else feels bad becasue of something I did, or more didn't do. Nothing drastic, just, I don't know. Eh, we'll talk about it more later I'm sure. Anyway, I'm waiting for this damn pot of water to boil. I put it on at 12:59 and it STILL hasn;t started boiling. Oh, wait, whats this? Whisps of steam, finally. Jesus. I've got a little bit of a heachache from stairing at the computer screen for the last 4 hours, but hey, that's what advil is made for. Or, maybe it's just a caffine head ache. For the last 3 weeks or so, I've always either had tea, or coffee, and now I didn't. Well, I just brewed some tea, but it was worse before I drank it. Ack, whatever, I'm going to go finish my lunch.

New Good Song

I've found another good song, well I found it a while ago, but it's nice. Rust, by Black Label Socitey.
Living, fighting, obsessing
Just as long as I can share it all with you
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, come rain, come shine
Hell and back, the beginning in between till' the end of time

[CHORUS]
All that shines turns to rust
All that stands in time turns to dust

As above, so below
But you ain't no fool and honey, I'm damn sure that you know
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, come rain, come shine
Hell and back, the beginning in between till' the end of time

All that shines turns to rust
All that stands in time turns to rust

Ribbons.

I'm finding it hard to trust people nowadays for various reasons. I find it easier to talk to people, who, I trust to a degree, but who I'm not constantly with. People like Ryan, or Jojo now. I don't really feel like I can tell people who it will really affect. I'm not saying these people... are... hard to talk to, I'm just saying, I'd rather not have it affect our daily happenings. Ack, I... I don't know why I have to be so stubborn, I just am. It screws me over, 99% of the time. I.. I'm almost never cold. Never. I have a vest, a sweatshirt, a blanket, and a heater, and I'm freezing. I'm shaking so hard I can barely type. Ack. I know why I'm so cold. Figure it out your self. I want to thank Jojo, and Rachel, for... being... almost like, well being friends. Rachel is, as you know "my big sister" and when I first went to get some water, and have some time to my self. I was sitting there, thinking, and she walked up to me, and started just rubbing my head and shoulders, and singing something or other. It was really, really comforting. And then, I went back to ok again for a time, and when I went out the second time, I stayed for a while. I figured they hadn't really noticed me go, so I sat down for a while, and lit some candles, and tried out Jojo's trick. I was sitting there, kind of spacing out, and Alex dropped her sleeping bag down on the floor in the dining room, and asked me to come over and talk to her. Eh, I don't really want to talk right now I was thinking. But I did it. She took one look in my eye, and then started singing something from Oliver. It made me smile. That, that, made me feel better, I figured I had taken enough of my leave. Not like many people noticed me go, but hey. People were getting tired, twas about time to kick all the guys out. I figured no one knew I had come or gone, when Annie was like, oh where's Allison...... where's Zach. Oh, I'm here I said. Ack, she gave me the deepest, most... I don;t know how to describe it. She gave me an understanding look. Alright, I couldn;t take it anymore. William was on his way out, and since he lives a block down from me, he offered to give me a ride home with him. Yeah, here I am. I need to go to bed soon, but first, I think I'll recap the rest of the night.
I was, like the third person to get there, and I was by far the youngest. That's the one thing I don't like. But, Buddy came by sooner or later, I can't remember when, and we talked about everything that's new and such. After a little while, we started what we used to do all the time last year. It brought back so many good memories of him. Man, we drummed away, forks, spoons, bottle caps, plates, the table, my ring, our hands, just anything. There were a few points where we made the most amazing duo beats. Most of the time, was just talking, and such. Good times.
Night.

I Called That.

Yeah, I went, and, oh, Isa, I called that. Alllllll of you. I called that.

Decisions

Well, today was, actually pretty damn good. We got to screw around with charcoal again today, and I learned that anything except ears looks good with charcoal, no matter how you draw it. And in english, we kept reading Antigone. I'm still Creon, and I get to be all prime and powerful and proud and crap. Just the OPPOSITE of how I want to be. Anyway, I love plays, so that was good. Lunch was GREAT, we got all of our best writing from K up and there were some pretty weird stories. Of course mine were about pokemon, and gundam, and digimon, and all the great stuff. But Tim had a story about whales beating the crap out of each other, and the way he worded it was so innocent, yet EXTREMELY suggestive. "And the narwhale stabbed repeatedly with his horn." AHahahahahaha! And I had story about me, and I said I had " A dog, a cat, and three chicks." Hah, chicks. Chickens of course, but we were picking out the worst of the stories. I was laughing so hard, I stopped making sound, and my sides cramped up in pain. At best, my laugh was a high pitch wheeze. Haha, it makes me laugh just thinking about it. I'll bet I look stupid sitting here giggling at a computer moniter. Anyway, drivers ed was... ok, which is to say, AMAZING. Because I hate drivers ed, and an ok day, is GREAT. Geometry was, interesting. We took a practice SOL which was easy, figures. And then, I realized, It's friday! I went all day thinking I was going to have to go to school tomorrow. NOPE! Well, Andrew and I slap boxed for a while, which was fun, and then I drop kicked him. Hah, that was more fun. And then the bell rang, and I went to my locker, and I met Seriso, and then. Here I am.
There is a party tonight, for like, Annie, Camila, and Rach, and I've been invited by all three of them as well as by Chu and Isa. Eh, people want me to go, I kind of want to go. But, eh, I'm thinking I won't be in the mood, or something. I'm not really sure I want to actaully. Like, I want to but, like, I kind of don't. But then again, I DO. Well, we'll see won't we. I figure if I don't show up within 10 minutes, Chu will call me, and then, Isa will talk to me, and then I'll get yelled at, and then POSSIBLY bound and gagged, and brought there. SO it looks like I have no choice.
So, on a new topic, I'm going to recomend Pandora to you all AGAIN. Because I love it, and Deep Purple is on now. So, go to, www.pandora.com type in your favorite artists and songs, and let the music play. So, I'm off, to do something or other.

It's Snowing!

Ah, times are good, the first snows have finally reached out their icy hands and gripped this sleeping town. Comforting and covering it with a soft white blanket of dust from the purple gray heavens. Everything is still, yet the air ripples with a sense of readyness. The occasional flutter of wings, or the engine of a distant car disturbs the quiet, as well as my clicking keyboard. I've been waiting so long for this first snow. My chance to truly believe it's winter, raising my hopes of cold weather and white landscape. But, also coming with this first snow, are many memories, good and bad. I first met Jojo around this time. I first really got to know her, at least. I think she was the first upper classmen I'd ever talked to. I'm going to miss her next year, all of the memories I have of her and all. These memories always come with the snow and cold, and last throughout the winter. They're warm feelings, like a hot fire, on a cold night, when a fresh inch of snow has fallen, and the air is bone chilling, but you have that little bit of warmth, curled up next to that fire, with a good book, and something hot to drink. These feelings seem to be just like that fire and warm drink, warming me up, and keeping me out of the cold. Temporarily at least, until I decide it's time to venture back out into the silent night. What is it about winter? Winter that draws out all of these feelings, winter that makes you just as cold as it does warm, winter when everything dies, or prepares to sleep the season away, winter when the air tingles with anticipation. I don't think I'll ever forget one of the things she said, well many, but a few in particular. I know I've posted this quote somewhere. "We like the sky when it is purple white and grey and we know how to look at the world pounding through a forest at faster than most people choose to when it's colder than should be allowed." That seems to be one of the few things that captures the way I'm feeling with words. You all must agree with me to a degree. Or I could just be a crazed lunatic.

HAH!

For those of you, well Chu. Look at this. I hate you. Not really : D

Work or school could prove to be a bit of a challenge today: you’ll be erring too much on the side of caution, while your work colleagues or school mates will seem too ambitious or realistic, and will make life a little taxing. However, the planets suggest that you really need to listen to them!

Flash

Woo, I just got mac flash back on my computer and I love it. Too bad I've forgotten everything, and I can't make anything good. Oh well, today... today today today. I guess I could say today, was a day, a good day, today. Art was fun, we messed with charcoal, and smeared it, and I still have some on my lip. In english we got into a huge debate about laws, and alcohol, and the war, and drugs, and gay marriage. It was good, I enjoyed it. No one got in each others face, there was very little yelling, it was a bunch of people agreeing and pointing out certian facts. Lunch was interesting. Drivers ed, was actually ok, well, except for the fact I lost that bet to Bryce. Hah, damn him, he got the grade, as well as topped mine. Never saw that one coming. Geometry was long and easy, and I don't think the teacher yelled once. She was a very nice person to be around today. Yeah, today was a good day, plus or minus a few small details, some rather large.
Pretty much ever since I got home, I've been screwing with flash. I've made two movies about bouncing balls smashing people in the face, and then seeing either red, or a bunch of stars with horribly edited motion. They bob at like a bagillion miles an hour. Oh well, I'll get better. I used to be able to make a snow man smash people, and throw snowballs, and say all this crap. Or make Goku and Vegeeta beat the crap out of each other. Stick figures, of course, but good ones. If I haven't lost the files on the old computer, I'll bring em up and email em sometime.

Ooh boy! Chocolate Chip Cookies! With three sticks o' butter! Yum!

All That Shines, Turns to Rust

Ugh, such as my title hints, I feel like everything is corroding around me and out from under. I know it isn’t, at least I think I know. I just seem to be getting that feeling, probably because… well, quite possibly because things are changing. The people I knew are leaving; the ones I know are getting older, and leaving me for various reasons. My only refuge seems to be the upper classmen, and the under classmen too. Anyone but my grade. I don’t like my class much, yeah, there are a lot of good people in it, but I don’t interact with them, once again for various reasons. I’m getting new friends and losing old ones, although I’ve still kept a few like Wally, most of them I’ve separated from, like say Spark. We were best friends for 7 or 8 years, and then, we went out separate ways. And now, I would say 80% of the people I talk to/hangout with/tolerate, are upper classmen. Eck, changes… everything changes sooner or later, and sometimes I’d prefer sooner, but mostly I’d rather it be later. I didn’t get too attached to last year’s seniors. But this year, most of the people I call friends are seniors. Camila, William, Chu, Rachel, Alex. I figure that’s how the cycle goes. They must have met seniors when they were young, and grown very attached to them, and then grew older themselves. And so the cycle will continue, I don’t have to like it. I suppose, I… I won’t need them, or… need isn’t the word, eh, fill in the blank. I wont ­­­_____ them when I’m a senior my self.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn to manage my grade, and then, maybe not. So many maybes running through my head. Maybe this will happen; maybe I should take a chance, maybe not. I usually rely on rationality and logic instead of my “gut” or feelings, and that tends to screw me over some people say. Maybe it does, maybe not, it works for me. Maybe I’m worrying too much, maybe I’m not worrying enough, maybe I’m over analyzing everything, or maybe, maybe there’s the slim chance, that for once, I truly am right. Too bad I won’t find out, because logically the chances are too low for me to dare trying anything. Like, what if being happy was actually as great as everyone said? Well, the risk factors are to high for me to want to be happy. Every time I try, there’s always something to wreck it. Albeit, I’m the one who lets it be wrecked, but that’s another problem. Maybe I just need to shut it, stop complaining and go to bed. Yeah there’s that.

Ummm.... No Title.

Eh, today was a day. I still had some of the after effects of last night, good and bad. I still have a headache, and I still have a fever. But hey, I was happy with it. School was very...very long. I spent ALL of art drawing eyes and ears, noses and lips, and disgracing peoples faces, and all of english...ummm.... what did we do. Oh, I spent all of english taking notes, very fast notes. Ok, you have like exactally 43.718363 seconds to write two pages front and back worth of info. Damn, and then at lunch, I read a story from 3rd grade about beetles and chipmunks killing people. This was written by a third grader mind you. Crazy kid. Drivers ed we had a test. The hardest one I've taken in the class. Ok, so really, can anyone tell me the COLORS of all the lane positions. I mean COME ON. Color codes? Maroon, red, white, blue, yellow, and god knows how many other ones. We had another hard test in geometry that even stumped me and Kniss. At least I think it stumped him, took em almost the whole class.
Twas time for musical rehersal next. That went well, my voice isn't crap anymore. It's just low grade dogfood. Bah, I love that music. Who will buy, this wonderful feeling, I'm so high, I swear I could fly. I'm not sure that's how it goes, but that's how I'm singing it. Ugh, she won't let us drop the octave on that, I'm right below falsetto. Actually, I might be in it. Oh no, I'm not. Anyway, I got to hang around till 5ish because me mum was measuring people. Luckily, after rehersal, I got to go to wal-mart to get some strings. I'm surprised, my GHS strings there are like $3.89 but at Hometown they are 11 something. Damn, get me 4 packs. Now of course, they aren't the last forever strings as I learned tonight playing stairway, IE they don't bend more than 2 1/2 steps. Which is a hell of a lot. Meh, I have my guitar, I have strings, I'm happy.
Now, I think we're having pork chops for dinner, fried on an iron skillet. Yum.
So, I'm going to go talk to some people and or play guitar and or guitar shop. Bye

Artemis Entreri

Hah.

Hah, Goldie, I love you. That was a good point, on the English post. Except I guess I'm not healthy, seeing as I have no confidence.

Droppin' An Axe on Satans Head

Well, actually, Satan dropped an axe on my head. I've had such a bad headache I want to cry, I think it would make Marylin Manson cry. I also think I'm getting sick. I felt really hot, and Seriso felt my face, and to me her hands were frozen, but my face was on fire. During art it was kind of there, but it wasn't, and I started getting it in english, but... it was. Then, during lunch, it really started to hit me, and when I got into drivers ed I wanted to die. I got a sick feeling in my stomach, like if you eat gum on an empty stomach, and my head was burning, and every part of me was tingling. And then in geometry, I was seconds from spilling my contents all over my review. It got worse and worse and worse and worse and... even worse. During musical, I kept getting really hot, and then freezing, and then hot again.
And now, I'm feeeling great! With a feaver, and a mega headache, and I LOVE IT. It's weird, I'm happy, like really happy, and I'm in the worst possible condition, and I'm staring at a computer screen, and that proves I have no life. But it's AWESOME. So, I'm not in the right mind to post long, I'll do that later. Cod is cooking, my head is ringing, IM windows are flashing, thrash metal converting to classic rock and blues. Heh, dinner time! I'm HORRIBLE! and I love it.

English, Again!

Statement: Lummox is a self-righteous prick. Another statement: I can’t stand him.
Okay, so, I’m in English, again, precariously typing my blog, hoping to not get yelled at. But, before I walked into English, I was walking, and there was plenty of room for him to go around. But no, “sceuze me pee wee” he said as he touched my chest, and casually flicked me out of the way. I stood there with my jaw open. What the fuck, I though, as I proceeded to walk into the room dumbfounded. This is why I hate high school, everyone thinks they are better than everyone else. Anyway, I’m done complaining about that. It’s odd, I’m still in that hate everything mood, but I’m happy about it, I want to frolic and jump and laugh at my self, and I still hate everything. Lauren looked at me and to her surprise I ran over and hugged her. Not something I do by the way. Ugh, I hate this. I don’t want to be here anymore, not like, here here, but like in English, or in school. Meh, who cares, lunch is coming up, and I get to sleep. Byah! Except….. I won’t sleep, I’ll talk. Oh, and I do hope you know which Lummox I’m talking about. Bah, I’m supposed to be reading Antigone which is pronounced (An-tig-o-knee) for the less than shiny ones of you. Just like epiphone is (epi-pho-knee) Yeah, I told you. So shut up, go sit in a corner and cry about it. Geeze. When I’m right, I’m usually right!
So, we have musical practices today, and I get to get measured. Joy. Some stranger running her hands all along my arms and legs. Makes me nervous, at best. So, Barr is making me really nervous, and I’m going to end this. Now.

10:29 : D

Artemis Entreri

WOOOOoooooOOOOO!!!!!1111!!!!

I hate mondays. Hah, yeah, I still do, and today was another one of those rollercoasters. From really great to, I hate you all, leave me in peace, to really great! to if you take one more step towards me I will rip your gut out with my teeth...and then back to really happy! I started off in the morning, in a really bad mood, but I was happy about it, oddly enough. But then I got into art, and I was no longer happy about it. I don't know why, art just isn't happy anymore. Now english, where to start.... Ah! I hate english. I got nothing done, except a paragraph long blog post, which I had to constantly stop because Barr or someone esle would look over my shoulder. Oh, and now pretty much my whole english class has my link. I wouldn't doubt Barr has it too. Ugh... and then lunch. I was in a firm denial that anything was wrong by lunch. I refused to accept that I wasn't happy... and then... then half way through, it hit me. I wasn't in a good mood, and I have no idea why the hell I was playing it off. So I stopped. Ugh, I got into a lot of arguments with my drivers ed teacher, just becasue, one, I like to argue, two, I don't really like him, I mean he's ok, but I wouldn't choose him as a teacher. Drivers ed was long and boring. And guess what, I tried to play it off again, in geometry. I didn't get very far, but Jenn's endless spring of happyness made me smile a bit. We took a practice test, which I was surprised to see, I got one right. Damn, most people got one wrong.
So, I went home in a horrible mood, basically hating everything. And I stayed like that, through writing my english paper. I mean I was listening to BLS and As I lay Dying, and Three Days Grace, and System of a Down, I wasn't happy if you know that music. And then I went to the Drama meeting, and... everything turned right. I was really happy, a little jittery, but happy. And it lasted, and I was jumping around and yelling. Yeah I was, picture it. And then after I went upstairs, I was good, then, ok, and then...bleh, and now, I'm back to being, I don't know. This music ISN'T helping. Uuuuuh. Boston, that will do. Ok, so, I don't know what to tell you once again. I'm a little surprised, a little upset, a lot upset, a lot tired, a little mad at my self, a little.... a very little hating everything. I guess, most of all, I'm just jealous of... everyone. That's a bold claim, but I daresay it's true. I guess that's my fault, I could probably change 70% of it, and then I'd deal with the rest. But I'm too damn stubborn to admit I'm wrong, or to chance, or to accept something new. Ugh, back to the angry music. itunes is trying to spite me. Beatles, BLS, ok.... ugh Cream, As I Lay Dying. What the hell!? Fine, Seussical! Three Days Grace.
Ugh, fine, the worst words I'll say, "are you sure you would like to exit?" Yes. Click. Gone, now I'm off to Pandora. Good Stuff. Anyway, I seem to be either happy, or I'm mad. There's no median, and I'm rarely sad now too, it's just anger. I'm mad at all the jerks in my school, I'm mad at a teacher, I'm mad at my body for various reasons, I'm mad at the sky probably. And then there's the happy. But never anything else. No, that's a lie, I felt shock today. But that ended quickly, I guess I was also partially sad today, that went fast too. I'm never really mad at specific things that happen, I don't give a damn that some freshman, Tyre or something, punched me with a book, he did it, I got mad at my self. I didn't run a 4:59 mile, I got mad at something or other. I never got mad last year, a stark contrast from 8th. Freshman year I was always calm and cool on the outside to some degree. Now, I'm getting a burning rage back. I HATE fighting, I hate the idea of it, I hate everything about fighting. You could walk up to me a punch me and I wouldn't do anything to you. Chris hit me in the stomach, and I was furious, and I got to a point where I walked to him, and I clenched my fist, and then turned around. That's the closest I've gotten to fighting for a long long time. Wow, I thought after I did it, What the fuck was that Artemis. He's a football player, he's 4 inches taller than you, he weighs 4o lbs more, and he probably likes to fight. I know I don't.
Ugh, I don't know what anymore, I'm such a jumble of emotions. I figured this would happen sooner or later, I mean, like I was an emotionless shell for a year, I didn't feel much of anything. I needed to break sooner or later, just turns out it was later. I don't like this. Any of this buisiness.

Night

English!

Hey, I’m in English now, and I’m supposed to be writing a paper, but I just can’t do it. Eh, I’m actually in quite a horrible mood, and I really don’t want to be here, let alone writing my paper. But you know what, I think I’m going mad. I’m laughing at all of this, and I have an immense feeling of being light and happy, even though, I’m in one of those hate everything moods. When people call me things right now, I just laugh, it’s annoying really, to them and me. “Entreri, you suck” Hah! Ahahahahahah! Or other things of the like. Blah, I don’t like this. God, 15 more minutes of English, at least it looks like I’m typing my paper, because it’s on the same screen. Oh, hah, I’m so witty. Not. Women and Power in Japan, so interesting, and so easy to write about, along with glorious things like Seppuku, and John just said Kryptonite, and such. Hah! Kryptonite is in the dictionary. There’s something wrong with the media, when that happens. As well as when “Shikawara” translates to “Chinaware.” I'm pretty sure one of the most powerful families in Japan, whose name survived till this day, would be named after chinese dishes. Weird. Anyway, I’ve got people looking over my shoulder, and I’m nervous, and Barr is making me tense.

Quality Time With My 92

So, I've just spent the past three hours out in West VA with my new rifle. It was too cold, really, and my hands went numb fast, and I've got cuts on my knuckles. But, twas good, I had some pretty good shots today, but I smell like black powder. Which isn't a bad thing mind you, just gives me a headache after too much. Anyway, I.... I lost my train of thought. Again. Damnit.

Gasp

Meh, that was a LONG 10 hours. The first thing we did when we got to staunton was head to the playhouse to see Macbeth. That's one of the few shakespearian plays I don't like. It was a long slog, I was tired, and the play was long, and I was uncomfortable, but whatever. We shopped around a little, and then headed to L' Itallia for dinner. Food was good, service was good, but it took a really long time, and I wasn't all that hungry. This happens to me on weekends, I don't eat well. I've had... part of my leftovers for breakfast, and then a small steak for dinner, and I didn't have any food in between, and I wasn't hungry. I never am, I think that's a problem. Eh, anyway, we headed over to the theatre again to see my favorite Shakespearian play, The Tempest. Ahhh, it was great.
And yeah, that was 10 hours, of my day.
Anyway, I noticed today, being a pole vaulter, kind of screwed up my arms. I can pop my left elbow as many times and I can crack it like a whip, and both of my shoulders have weird things where they half dislocate, but more, just, slip out of place. I figure XC and track is going to do this to my legs too, but it will be worth it. I wasn't a good vaulter, but I am a good runner. And, I've just lost my train of thought, so this is ending, right here.

Click.

I must say, -I think I'm repeating this- that my lesson on Thursday was the best lesson I've ever had. Eric and I flew through the book work, and when it was time to work on what I wanted, he suggested I try figuring out a song. Uhh, ok I though, I told him how many times I've tried but only partially figured one out, and had to ask him to fix it. This time, I chose the song Caspian Sea, by Karl Rove, becuase I had already figured out the bass line on guitar. He asked me to play what I thought it was, and told me what was correct, and what wasn't. Next he asked me to listen to the guitar, I was listening to the bass. Ooh! I hear it now! I always followed the bass instead of guitar. The bass line goes down, while the guitar goes up, creating a weird harmony. What I love most is, he never straight up told me, what I had to do, he let me mess around, until I found the right chord. We worked our way through that song with me playing what I hear, and then him telling me what to look for. Suddenly, everything makes sense, I can find all the notes, and I usually just know what things to play, what scales to use, and such. I didn't really realize how helpful it was until this morning, when I started playing the Led Zeppelin songs I knew, and then, I came across one I didn't know, and I was just messing around, listening to it. It started off with a keyboard, and my hands instantly slipped to an A scale I think, and just started playing. It sounded right, so I rewound the song, and listented to the exact notes. Bam, I know a new song. And on and on it went, I must have done with 5 or 6 songs, in like half an hour.
Well that's great! But now I'm off to staunton to see... Macbeth, and The Tempest.

Ummmm 12:23!

Artemis Entreri

I Know

All right, I know, I've already posted this picture, but I want to draw attention to it, because it is one of the only good pictures of me. Ever.

Uuuuuh.

Ok, so my day didn't turn out as previously stated. I didn't go to hometown music, so I didn't get a pedal, and I went to El Charro instead of TLG. But, instead I did fix up my first guitar and make it all nice. First of all, I took an allen wrench to the thing, and lowered all of the strings so they lay right above the frets. This makes the strings easier to push down, so it's easier to make a sound, so to speak. Next, I oiled the neck, making it slippery, so my hand and fingers slide down the neck faster. And last, well, I just did this actually, I looked at the nasty crack I put in the finish, and I made sure it wasn't getting any bigger. It's back to being a pretty fast guitar, almost as fast as when I first got it. Oooh, but I have plans for that guitar though. The first time I started taking lessons, my guitar teacher had an amazing strat, but I never looked at it, because I knew nothing about guitars. But yesterday, he pulled it out again. Ahhhh! Awesome!
Right now, this very minute, I'm going to rant about guitars, one of my favorite things to do. Ignore this paragraph if you don't care. It's a classic white, standard strat, with a million upgrades. What I like most though, is they body is battred, scratched and beaten. The finsih has worn through in four areas, and I can't count the number of dings it has. Second of all, it has two humbuckers, one of the bridge and one on the neck, with a single coil in the middle of the two. Next, I'll bet you could et any sound out of that guitar. It has coil tapping leading to each of the humbucker coils, as well as the standard strat five way switch, and two les paul switches for the humbuckers. It seems to have additions to add to sustain and keep the guitar in tune while still having a tremelo bar. It's got additions to the tremelo, probably made by some outside company, as well as a replacement nut. Ooohh, I think if I asked him, he'd help me customize my own to be something like that. Of course I'd have to change a few things, and add some. First of all, I don't care about tremelo bars so that could be replaced by a hard tail bridge. Second, I don't like the style nuts he uses, so I would replace it with a fine ebony or bone one for added tone and sustain. Next, I might use different coil tapping methods, or actually, same ones, with different pots. Instead of using les paul flip switches, I might just use regular flip switches. He uses maple necks, for the brighter sound, I figure I might use a rosewood one, maybe maple, who knows. But hands down, I'm keeping the body I have. I don't give a damn if it's alder, ash, or cardboard, I love that body. It's a beautiful tobacco sunburst, styled after the 60th av ones, except, the top is like, I'm not sure what it's called, but it's split like a book so you can see the wood grains. Oh, and by the way, this by NO means means I have lost love for my PRS. I will never sell that guitar, let alone, stop playing it, I may switch out the pickups, but that will be one of my main guitars.

Well then, I'm done now. After all that rant, I'm actually in a worse mood now. For those of you special people who read my very upset post before I deleted it. I'm getting those same feelings. I feel... betrayed, I don't feel like I can trust anyone, and I feel very, open, and unprotected. Kind of like, when you wake up in the middle of the night, shaking for all you're worth, clinging to your blankets trying to keep warm. You feel like you don't want to get up, don't want to move, but you're so cold, you need to get up, you need to get an extra blanket or something. I'm getting that horribly clingy feeling, where I know I need to find someone I can trust, someone I can talk to with out worrying, but I don't want to, I don't want to take the chance. I'd rather hold onto what little warmth I have left, than seek more. It's a downward spiral, the less and less I trust people, the colder I get. It's ironic that right now, I feel sick. I'm sweating like a pig, I'm over heated, and I feel like I've run 12 miles in the dead of summer. But, I also have a cold sweat running down the side of my face and back. It tingles as it works its way across my skin, to collect in little droplets, making me shiver.
And how quickly my mood changes, suddenly, talking to Seriso, I'm getting that warm feeling again, and everything seems a little better. But, once again, in seconds, it drops again. I need to fix this. Yes, I said I.

Good night.

~Artemis Entreri

Oliver.

Woo, I did infact make it. Not exactly what I wanted, but I did make it. I wanted to be an orphan, but being a bass, that wasn't going to happen. I got in the adult chorus, which is the smallest part avaliable, because we get like 2 songs, and are off stage the rest of the time. Meh, way less work than I had last year, and I'll have pleanty of time to do my homework. If they let us. Sometimes we're not allowed off stage, and it's a pain doing it in the dark. Ok, I lied, I just checked, three songs, counting the intro prologue thing. Anyway, I think most every person who tried out got in, the cast list was huge.

Anyway, day was.... interesting. Art, was... I don't know. Interesting. English was.... Interesting. I don't remember lunch, I really don't. Drivers ed. I got, a strange, yet warm feeling of happyness in drivers ed. I hate drivers ed, and yet, I decided I was going to be happy, and happy I was. It lasted quite a while, all into geometry, I was in a good mood, almost an hour and ten minutes, then she whipped out a quiz, and it crashed and burned. I left early to see the cast list, which still wasn't up, so I had to come back upstairs and wait it out. I left when the bell rang, and worked my way through the masses to get to the cast list. And now, now.... I don't know what. I'm probably going to Hometown Music to get me a new pedal, and then off to TLG to get some dinner.

Now....now...now. Now, I'm not really sure how I'm feeling. I'm happy for Oliver, I'm annoyed with my grades, I'm so hungry I can barely think, I'm not happy with anyone I see, I'm bored to death because I'm not happy with anyone I see. And the list goes on. For once in my life, I don't want to play my guitar, I don't want to read, I don't even want to be online. What I want to do, is either be at XC practice oddly enough, or... I don't know, be hanging out with someone. I don't really care who, I would hang out with Tyre...well, that's a lie. Someone I actually tolerate. But meh, not going to happen. I would try to run if the wind wasn't going 60 bagillion miles an hour. Hey, I could always work on my second draft. Not. You know? I might go shoot my bow. Well, I will in a minute anyway. I'm feeling overheated, it was like 70 today, and it's the first of December. Record high? Probably. Meh, how annoying. Why won't someone get online! Come on people! I'm not the only person who has no life! Ok, that's another lie. I sit around, and run -hah, someone tell me when they can do that- or I play guitar, or I'm online. Therefor, I have no life. Ugh, I'll bet 99% of my friends are all off doing something with people. Indoor track, gathering at peoples houses, getting something to eat, whatever. Just not being like me. Oh well, I'm in a unique mood.

Who want's to go be unique with me! Thought so. Meh, more later, thats a sure one.

|)- --(| Tell me if that makes sense. Or don't.