I'm Tired

Of sitting here alone listening to music. But I really really really am tired of doing yard work. That depresses me more than sitting here. I wish I could drive. I'd go drive around the county back roads until I felt better. I sort of feel like running, but it's so humid out there, I feel like it'd be uncomfortable, and I really don't want to run alone anyway. Guitar's still not really doing anything for me. If anything, it makes me more upset now. I'm not in one of those outside moods but I need to get out. I don't want to be around people, but I need someone. The last place I want to be is in public, but I feel like I need to be out. I don't have a target anymore, because mine has so many holes in the center, there's no longer enough foam to stop the arrows. I can't find my book, because I haven't read it in over a month. I'm not sure what else there is to do. I really want to go to the park, but I know that's a bad idea. Too many memories. I'm kind of hungry, but nothing really looks appealing, and I don't really feel like making anything either.

I'm a horrible wreck right now aren't I? Haha... it's pretty pathetic. My horoscope for the day sucks. Because it's completely contradictory from my one yesterday. And the one from yesterday? I could have used that advice about an hour earlier : \ I need to find something to occupy my time. Like being in a band, or building a guitar or something. I wonder if anythings going on around town tonight. Moneypenny's in Arlington. That's one hell of a drive, and I have to be 21 to get in anyway. Hmmm it's 65 degrees and cloudy. Wonderful. I should have gone out with my dad to the rifle range, but I was afriad of being isolated out there feeling like this. Well, I'm isolated, and I feel like this anyway, might as well be shooting the hell out of stuff. No one updates their blog much anymore. It's probably because of school, or stuff like that. I rarely have anything important to say. But I occasionally still get good posts in. Maybe I'm doing just the same as everyone else. Hell I don't even read those short post's I write.

I really wish I wanted to do something. Well I do want to do something. But that something isn't going to happen. So I wish I wanted to do something that can be done. Because I really don't. I'm trying to avoid a lot of my music, but I... I don't know. I don't want to avoid it. I... I like the new title of this blog... but it's not right... something about it just isn't. But I'm tired of the title Black Sabbath, and Sink Like A Led Zeppelin. My original title was Don't Fear The Reaper, and at one point I had Defying Gravity. But.... now I'm not sure what I want. I'm not tired of the black, but I want a change. But there isn't anything I want more than black. Not white, I don't feel very white right now. Not red, or blue, or that annoying bubble lay out. Meh. I'd do psychedelic colors if I could find them. On second thought. No I wouldn't. I'm not really in that mood either : \

How did all of this turn around in 4 months. We completely switched places. And well... I figure it'll stay that way for a long time. Longer than I'm willing to accept. It's only Saturday right? Good...because I'm not ready to go back to school. Damnit. I have homework.... I'll ask dad to help me with the stupid biology. I can do the history pretty easily. I feel like I have a Latin test... I should study for that... God I don't want to do any of that. I don't want to do much of anything, but talk to someone.... I don't want to deal with people right now. I get aggravated with my dog when she licks me, or with my mom when she comes in and trys to talk to me. But now I've got to get off line, because it's making me more depressed she says. I can't get much more depressed anyway.

Bye.