Please

Disregard that last post.


"Yo, Ima give you my number." "I don't even know you!" "Exactly! I'ma call you. Thas why I'm given you my numba!"

....

I felt okay last night, but now I just feel awful. I don't want to go to the damn track meet today. I'm tired of having bad days!! I just woke up and my day is already bad! How can a dream do this to me! How can a small paragraph do this to me..... I... I don't know. Dammit. It's spring break, I shouldn't feel like this! Spring break was when everything was supposed to get better! And it's already started and I still feel awful! What the hell is up with this! I can't explain how annoying it is, to wake up, and the second you take a conscious breath, to just feel awful. I feel grimy and disgusting inside and out right now. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to move, I just want to lay here and go back to sleep and forget. But I can't do that now can I? I've got a track meet to go to. Can you say...blasting music? And black hoodie? And leave me the hell alone or I might just snap. It took all I had not to snap at a certain tall someone at track yesterday, just because he's a jerk, and he shoved me out of his way. And I got so unbearably angry for a second, that I just wanted to shove him back, and knock him off the bleachers. Elisabeths house was a small relief, it was fun to hang out with SeanG and listen to the other Sean rant. There was good food, and good entertainment, but when it got dark, I rolled over to look at the stars and lay by the fire, and I was spacing out, so when Camila asked if something was wrong, I nodded instead of saying I was just tired. At least she didn't push it last night. I didn't want to think about anything anymore.

I have to go take a shower... and get ready for the track meet. I don't want to though. I don't want to go to the freaking track meet... I just want to go to someones house, and lay on their floor and talk to them, and forget everything else but being there. Or I want to play guitar until my house shakes. Or I want to run until I can't run any further. Something to take my mind off of all of this. I wish someone understood it all. I wish there had been someone I trusted enough along the way to explain everything to. Now I have to scatter around to the very few people I'll still talk to, and I can only talk about certian things. I... I don't know. I have to go now. If I want time to take a shower and eat. I don't really want to eat, but I think I need to....

Whatever.

School

Was in fact awful. Track wasn't so great. I got this beat up old large uniform that I would have more covered if I just took it off, so I did so. Isa's party was really really good though. So that makes up for it. Ugh, my last hair band broke.


I'm going to start a quote of the day. As long as I have interesting quotes.

"Fichter, what's your last name?" "Fichter."

Ooh! Four in a Row!

Ahaha, dammit, I'm just so... soo.... I have no freaking idea! But I want to laugh at my self! Ugh.... This is 4 bad days in a row, for progressively worse days. I really, really can't wait till Friday. I just hope I can make something out of Friday. Today was awful. I mean, I thought Monday was awful... Ahahahaa.... idiot. Today TOPS them all. Latin was pretty laid back, but it just kept going down hill. History.... I'm really tired of some people right now. Like people who keep calling me gay, ~not seriously~ and punching me in the arm. Or people who just won't sit still for 10 seconds. Turns out they're all to the left of me. It's aggravating. And I'm tired of it. I hate biology. I mean that. I hate biology. It was a relief today, I have no problem with Bair, none at all, I actually kinda like him now. But we talked about random animal deaths and sucidides, and such. If it hadn't been for that, I might have snapped. I don't even care what we're working on. It... I don't know. It annoyes me. I don't want to have to think about film studies. I need a way to make all this work, and it's not coming to me. I figure I'm just going to try it, and if I screw up, I screw up. I know none of this seems that bad, but there are other things going on, and I'm under more stress than usual, and I'm tired all the time, and there... there are just more reasons then I want to say. A fair few of you all know most of that anyway..... Track.... I don't know. I hate half of the people in track. They're all jerks. But if you're fast, no one cares. I left early for counseling. You know what surprised me? Wayne only laughed once. He always laughs. I said more than I was ready to face, I felt compelled to. But now... I've just bitten off more than I can chew, and I feel kind of dead, and tired. I went out to Guitar and Amp right after, and my mom helped me buy a distortion pedal. To further help my venting. Thanks mom. I went to my lesson, and learned some new Three Days Grace songs.

Now I'm studying. It sucks, because it's not somnething that can be studied. Sigh.... I lost the urge to write. Bye.

"Are you going to talk to me?"

I'm Not Sure

How much I'm going to post on here. The only people who I care to tell know anyway. So there's no point in going through it again. I've neglected my blog. I haven't had time for it, and I've been writing in my notebook more than anything. Mah... I wish spring break would come already. I'm getting progressively worse, every day. And I just don't want to deal with it anymore. No.... this feels too personal to put up online. Well it is, and I've been paranoid ever since the one post where I put up everything I wanted to say. I almost wish no one read this. Who does read this now?

3 Awful Days in a Row

2 more to go. I'm tired of this. Just two days till I'm free for a little while. I have to help out on saturday at the CoEd invite. Good. I don't want to run, but I want to be there. Hell I get free food. Bani would kill me, and if I got put into that race I'd do like a 5:40 and that wouldn't be so good. I get free food, so whatever. I'll hang out with Atodd. And cheer Andy on. And hang around under the bleachers, and listen to angry music.

Whatever. I did my homework in film today. So I'm going to go play guitar.

Why can't I sleep?

Thank You

I have a short thank you list for tonight, and I'll do an in depth one for all the people that

Thank you: Rachel my sister, Abby, Lizzy, Sara, Kate, Sean G, Alex, Ryan.
It's been a hectic night, if I remember more, I'll post em.

Thank you guys.

And a very very special thanks to Alex Brown. For telling me exactly what I needed to hear. Like you always used to. It's really just what I need sometimes, a call to reality. Thanks Alex, it means a lot in all seriousness.

Hah... haha. Hahahaha!

It's only tuesday.

: \

Thanks Isa, you helped a great deal. I feel better, I'm not going to bite anyones head off tonight. I just had a bad day, and no way of venting it. So I made my room shake, and I played guitar till I felt relaxed, and now I'm doing homework. Meh. Still a bad day. Tracks running me raggad, and it doensn't help my mood when I get beat to crap in track, and I'm always sore, and tired, and drained. Ack. Just balancing out that last post.

Awful day. Don't want to talk about it, unless you're very very special.

Ugh...

...

What a weekend. On so many levels.

Welll...

I'm still not in the mood to write. I went to Camila's tonight for a party for Alex. Ben and I played guitar and entertained the masses. It was fun and I had a good time. I had entirely too much chocolate though. I feel kind of gross and sick to my stomach. But whatever, it tasted good on the way in. Mmm.... I'm finally beginning to crash, I think I'll head to bed. Got to study bio tomorrow... and history... although not really on the history. Got to study bio though. Right-o. Good night.

Mmm

Went to see THMS's play tonight. It was good. Made me laugh. Made my day a little brighter. Other than that... not much going on. Nope. No long posts for tonight.

Apparently

I'm throwing my self a pity party.

Great, you're all invited, see you at 6.