Odd

Right now, is the first time I've been....unhappy(?) in quite a while. Granted I haven't always been happy, but I haven't been unhappy. Well, I'm unhappy. I don't even know what it is, or why. Well, that's not entirely true, I'm bending the truth. I have an idea, no, that's just a lie, I know. Lets just say I don't want you to know, seeing as it'll only last until I wake up tomorrow morning. I just feel kind of out of place, like I don't entirely belong to anything. Which I don't really, I just mix and mingle. Or mangle. I'm in the musical, but I can't sing. I run XC and track, but I can't run well. I play guitar, but I'm not that great. I do many things, I'm just not good at them. I now see why people choose to specialize. I don't think I really belong to any group. I kind of am part of the runenrs, XC and track distance, but not as much as I could be. I'm kind of a musicican, but still not really. I'm kind of one of the drama kids, but once again, kind of not. Maybe I'm just my own group. : \ 2 months ago, I would have loved that, but right now, I've changed my mind. I wouldn't mind a few more people in my life. A few granted, not a lot. Ugh, I can't get rid of this feeling, and I know if I went to bed now It'd get worse. I promise....you. I'll get off at 10:30, and I'll be asleep by 11, hopefully. I'm learning to run on less sleep, or I'm adapting. Too much sleep just hurts me now. Ugh. I'll bet being sick is doing this to me. It's just pissing me off. I'm weak now. My endurance levels have dropped from being sick. we started playing soccer and I was all into it, and then.....crash, I was done. And today, I got the crap beat out of me, because I just couldn't find my balance, and I didn't have the strength to keep my self stable. I've got bruises all over my back from elbows, posts, floors, and crap, and then on my knees and elbows I have gym floor burns from a most......fucking annoying. person. Does he not get the fact that I DON'T LIKE BEING HIT. And if you hit me enough, it's hard to expect me not to do something back. I'm sorry I ran into you and all of your greatness, but you fucking dropped me on the floor. Oh, guess what? I lost participation points! Want to know why? Because apparently "I wasn't playing." What the hell. I was avoiding more serious injury. Now, all right, tomorrow, I promise you, I won't lose any points. I'll play, oh I'll play, and when I get thrown to the ground, I'll get up, when I get pushed, I'll push back. Will that get me my god damn A? Just one more day, possibly two.

I guess I'm just going to be the only person online. That's fine. I'm not in a people mood. I know this'll be better tomorrow, but I'm going to vent it right now. I think I just need to do that. I guess it's part of the process. I don't get gym, or at least the games we play. I don't like hitting people, and I hate being hit. Where do people get that drive? There are some sickening cracks in that class. People hitting floors, elbows connecting with faces, and the like. It's not like you can expect me to play a game identical to football with a bunch of football players. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Forget it. Am I just too simple for normal people, normal guys? Or am I too complex? I think I'm too simple. What could be easier than getting hit and hitting back? If I don't get that then something's wrong with me. Right? I can't be too complex. I'm not a complex person.

My nose hurts. Fuck being sick. I've rubbed my nose raw blowing it so many times. My throat aches, it's not a "sore throat" anymore, it just aches. I have a headache, like a sick headache. I'm either too hot or too cold. Ugh, who cares, it happens. So, let's do this thing called looking for what's going to be good tomorrow. Mr. J's in the morning, that'll be good. And then....... 2 classes later, lunch, lunch could be good. Then................the end of the day, two more classes later. Why am I complaining? I have no reason to complain. I'm just being self absorbed. I'll stop. Don't worry, I'm done.