Ooo... Eww...

Well, I can't say my writing skills are very good. But looking back at my first post -which I fixed a little bit- I cringed. I hate the way I worded it. ****Hah there I go again. Hate.**** I guess I'm just throwing these things out here because I can't sleep. I rarely can sleep well nowadays. I ususally have nightmares, or just can't sleep, period. ****Whats the point of reiterating that?**** I guess once I finally get to sleep I'll have a nightmare, wake up in a huff, and finally go back to a dreamless sleep and not wake up till noon.

You know what? This quote is what started all of my thinking. Well, what led me to the blog which led to the thinking.

"We like the sky when it is purple white and grey and we know how to look at the world pounding through a forest at faster than most people choose to when it's colder than should be allowed."




Wow huh?














I mean it this time. Bed. Night. Bye. Sleep well. If any of you read this. I'm serious now.


~Entreri

Changes...

It's amazing how much people can change over years, one year, even a month. I was reading through the archives of a blog that dated back to 04. Shes changed so much. But at the same time, not at all. It makes me wonder.... who/what decides what changes.
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Why do they change in the first place.
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Who chooses what stays the same.
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Why do things stay the same.
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How come each of her years seems similar to how I felt.
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No, more than similar. What makes people the way they are.
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What makes one decide one way or another.
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Whats an emotion. Hate? Love?
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Whats wrong with me.
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Why the hell is this keeping me up.
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Why did I feel a need to add hell to that.
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Why are all these thoughts hitting me now.
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Do I have problems.
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This is getting rediculous. Forget it. I'm going to bed. "Too Many Mind"
Night
~Entreri

H Vs. SD

Well. This game wasn't even fair. I actually sat down and stopped watching after the first 3 touch downs. We scored our first 6 seconds in. They kicked, we took it and got a touch down. They gave up shortly after. Not a fair game at all. Not entertaining either. At least there were pleanty of people to talk to. Goldie locks, Tendonitus and I had a good time. We got tons of airheads, tried to get into the middle of the crowd, threw bottles at this stupid screaming kid and all around acted like a bunch of kids should.

Nicknames.

Wow, everyone seems to want a nickname now. The funny thing is half of them are mocking. Well not really mocking but a lot of them are just things that stood out about people. Grizzly, Goldielocks, Gardenboy and such. Ah well, I guess I should make one for anyone who I talk about instead of just using initials.

Anyway, I just got two new cd's and I have listened to them on repeat ever since. Number one: Stadium Arcadium, Red Hot Chili Peppers. I never thought I would ever listen to them but then I heard Dani California and Snow (Hey-oh) and decided to get Stadium. Great Choice. I love their style of music that mainly uses a clean stratocaster with quick riffs and odd chords. 4.5/5. Number 2: Flyleaf, Flyleaf. Wow, this CD is powerful. The lead singer is female which is rare nowadays and she is amazing. The best way to describe her is how Jojo did. A voice like Christina Agulara, but she can scream like Ozzy or any other metal head. 4.5/5 also. Very, very good.

Fight, Fight, Lose!

Well, I got my fight and I lost. By a whopping 4 seconds. Ah well, I asked for it and it's really what I wanted. Grizzly said he might take 9 people To William and Mary and if thats true it's no problem to go. But to go as no.8 I would need to get overkill on Gardenboy since he's a captian and a year older than me. Meh.

Entreri

Tri-Meet

Well, I'm racing tommrow. It's only a tri-meet so I think I'll do fine. I think I'll try again to do what Grizzly said. "Go out slow and then speed up. Run negative splits." Sounds good to me. I hope I can stay with Goldie Locks for a little while too.



~Entreri

Afeared.

Well, I ran varsity. I'm not mad about how I did. Just.....not satisfied. Over all, I did very well. But it's not enough for me. I'm afraid to run. I'm afraid of the pain. I didn't used to be. That's why I ran so well. But now I'm afraid. I went out with a 6:05 mile split. I was afraid I was going too fast so I limited my self. When it finally hit me that I felt nothing we had a mile left. I ran fast that last mile, but not enough for my self. I passed 5 people on the final 3/4's of a mile and I came across in 21:24. 30 seconds slower than my best. I got 7th on the team, 5th place in varsity and I came in 84 out of 200ish for the varsity guys race. I'm still the 7th varsity but I beat the 5th and 6th varsity runners. J-man caught me at the two mile marker but I eventually ran him out and I caught up to the Mann-boy with about half a mile to go. In the JV race Jule wore my old spikes and came in 8th place with a time of 20:?? and PW came soon after with a 20:53. Both of them beat my time so they got on varsity kicking the Man-boy and J-man off. I managed to hang on the no.7. But when NKB starts running again I'm going to have to beat PW. Sadly, I think PW's done though. His knees have been giving him problems and he ran hard today. His loss is very sadly, my gain.


We'll find out Wednesday what I can do. Unless I'm sill afraid.


~Entreri

Morning Of.

Well, it's the morning of. I'm no longer excited. I'm terrified. I'm going to go and run my race and do the best I can. : | I'm off to Mr, J's with my running buddy. Wish me luck.

Varsity.

I was blowing off steam last night. I didn't want to run varsity and I didn't want it handed to me. I was sure I wasn't going to be runnin varsity on Saturday. Guess what. By my time, I'm varsity. I don't know whether to scream and jump with joy. Or to cower in a corner. My heart's racing, my bloods cold, my adrenaline is pumping. I need to sleep, I need to relax.


~Entreri

Epiphone

Hah! To all you people who have made fun of me calling Epiphone "Epif-pho-knee" I was right. Look it up. It's not "epi-phone" it's "Epif-pho-knee!"

I don't want it this way!

I don't want it this way! No! I refuse to run like this. DF dropped out because of his knee, RP quit because he's him, PW woon't be running on that knee unless he never wants to run again, QS is out too. Gues what!? That means I'm Varsity! Yay huh? NO! I don't want varsity unless I win it. Theres nothing in it for me if I'm varsity by default. AHHHH! Saturday, at The Farm I'm running JV, and if I don't get the time I would have needed for varsity I'm going to ask if I can stay JV. Have the next fastest take Varsity.

How sweet it would be to WIN a spot at William and Mary and WIN a spot on Varsity. But no. Right now it's being handed to me because I'm the next on the list who can run. Hey, hopefully I'm not running where I think I am. Hopefully I'll be beat by some of the people I'm beating. Just so I can fight for it. Win it. If someone else wants to win varsity as bad as me or wants it more, I say fight me for it! I'd rather lose and not make it, trying as hard as I can then have it handed to me.

You don't no white space? You don't get no white space. Fool.

Man, I'm still sick. In fact its getting worse. I'm losing weight, I can't sleep anymore, and i barely realize I'm alive in the mornings. I was the one who never scuffed his feet and alwyas walked with his head up, eyes straight ahead. No more. I'm not sure I could pick up my feet. As for my head, meh, I'd rather people not see me like this.

Flynns out of xc now. That sucks more than you can imagine. He was my next goal, he was what I was pushing to beat. Now, he's gone. The next runner is varsity. Hah, fat chance kid. Our first race is at The Farm on Saturday. Hah, great, I hate that course. Anyway.

I just started and finished an english project that could have been done a week ago. I should think I would have learned by now. At least my mom helped me. Hell, I got to relive a lot of nice memories and learn more about my brother. Ya know? This is the second time in 3 weeks homework has been useful. What's the world comming to.

"Now, I don't want any white spaces on this collage."


~Entreri

I've got the sniffles....

Crap. I've got the "sniffles" as Justin called it when we ran last. It sucks. I spent 49$ of class by the trash can blowing my nose and the other 51% either freezing, or on fire. You have no idea how bad lemonade and orange juice burn a sore throat. Seriously, it hurts crap! Ah well.... Today, I managed to get my passion for XC back. I was thinking "I'm just gonna sit there at practice watching everyone work." But nope. Bair made me try to run. I love him for it.

We ended the distance part of our season and now we're entering intervals. He called out what we should be expecting to finish the intervals in. I knew mine would be absurdly slow seeing as I ran a crap time trial. Sure enough. 1:55 to run 400 meters. I figured since I was sick I should just go with it. Hah! I went at what I thought was a slow pace, fast enough for a 2:00 400 but slow. "...1:29, 1:30, 1:31, 1:32, 1:33 Z! "Holy God!" I thought as I crossed the line. "I was relaxing!"

I figured it was just because it was the first loop that I ran so fast and that I would slow down. "Alright Gentlemen, Le's go!" called Bair. I went out at what I thought was a little slower maybe the same and once again crossed the line in 1:33. Exactally the same time as last. To the second. I was so pleased with my self, but was afraid still, that I might slow down.

Three intervals later I was running exactally 1:33. Still to the second. In this workout the top group (varsity) was supposed to run 7 or 8 of these intervals and the lower group (JV) 5 or 6. I decided that on my 6th interval I would decide to go on or not. Finishing the 6th I was content to stop but Andy scoffed at me " What!? You've done 6, why not finish it off?" Well that settled it. I decided I was going to run the next ones all out.

Both of those intervals I was tired but I still came across in 1:34 and the last one 1:35. I had to know what running like that in a race would do to my time. Bair figured that I would be running anywhere from 18:00-18:45.

YES!! That was my goal for the end of the season, to run somewhere in the 18's. I'm so happy with my position in xc i could fly with joy.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

What's more. I have no known homework tonight. Yes. Just yes.

"All along the watchtower, the princes kept the view. While all the women came and went, bare foot servants too."

Finally

Finally! A halfway decent day. It rained. All day! I love the rain. Well school sucked as usual and the football game was canceled. BUT! We ran practice at The Farm in gale force winds in the pelting rain with nothing but our running shorts and sleeveless shirts. I love it. We are the toughest team here.

Well, I'm sitting here, watching the rain, listening to Three Days Grace, completely content.


Yes.....

Help me.....

I barley(sp?) survived week 1 of school. Week 1! I don't know how I'm going to do this. How I'm going to stay sane. I have no life aside from my homework and cross country. Cross country is even beginning to disapoint me. I'm not as fast as I used to be, I lost my varsity spot because I had a horrid race, my mile which should have been a 5:30 drops to a 5:54. It's no longer satisfying to compete.

After I finished my mile second out of my class I was overwhealmed with congratulations, but I didn't care. I walked right past, unaware, clenched my fists and kicked the fence. I was pissed off that I couldn't drop 3 seconds a lap to get the time I wanted.

I wonder.... why have all of my days been bad since I noticed the swings. Now that I'm starting my second week of school I'm losing hope that there will ever be anything the more than homework and school. Heh, I better get used to it. Three more years.

At least today was some kind of a relief. A way of knowing I still had people who cared about what I thought and people who would still listen to me. It was a relief just to sink in to Alex's arms during lunch and after school. It rained too, while I was out running. I was two miles away and happened to not hear the warning alarm that told me I needed to be inside. That was a glorious run. Till I nearlny got hit by 2 cars, ran into a tree because of one of them and got some nasty cuts and then realized that the trainer wasn't there so I coulndt whirl pool.



Hehhaha... this just makes me want to break down and laugh, maybe cry, yell, maybe just go mad?


Night to any who read this....