All That Shines, Turns to Rust

Ugh, such as my title hints, I feel like everything is corroding around me and out from under. I know it isn’t, at least I think I know. I just seem to be getting that feeling, probably because… well, quite possibly because things are changing. The people I knew are leaving; the ones I know are getting older, and leaving me for various reasons. My only refuge seems to be the upper classmen, and the under classmen too. Anyone but my grade. I don’t like my class much, yeah, there are a lot of good people in it, but I don’t interact with them, once again for various reasons. I’m getting new friends and losing old ones, although I’ve still kept a few like Wally, most of them I’ve separated from, like say Spark. We were best friends for 7 or 8 years, and then, we went out separate ways. And now, I would say 80% of the people I talk to/hangout with/tolerate, are upper classmen. Eck, changes… everything changes sooner or later, and sometimes I’d prefer sooner, but mostly I’d rather it be later. I didn’t get too attached to last year’s seniors. But this year, most of the people I call friends are seniors. Camila, William, Chu, Rachel, Alex. I figure that’s how the cycle goes. They must have met seniors when they were young, and grown very attached to them, and then grew older themselves. And so the cycle will continue, I don’t have to like it. I suppose, I… I won’t need them, or… need isn’t the word, eh, fill in the blank. I wont ­­­_____ them when I’m a senior my self.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn to manage my grade, and then, maybe not. So many maybes running through my head. Maybe this will happen; maybe I should take a chance, maybe not. I usually rely on rationality and logic instead of my “gut” or feelings, and that tends to screw me over some people say. Maybe it does, maybe not, it works for me. Maybe I’m worrying too much, maybe I’m not worrying enough, maybe I’m over analyzing everything, or maybe, maybe there’s the slim chance, that for once, I truly am right. Too bad I won’t find out, because logically the chances are too low for me to dare trying anything. Like, what if being happy was actually as great as everyone said? Well, the risk factors are to high for me to want to be happy. Every time I try, there’s always something to wreck it. Albeit, I’m the one who lets it be wrecked, but that’s another problem. Maybe I just need to shut it, stop complaining and go to bed. Yeah there’s that.